Sex, Morality and Control.

Sometimes, I wonder whether we are living in enlightened times, or whether that’s one of the big self-delusions our species has created for ourselves. (Inclined to the latter, personally).

There seems to be so much moralising against women, especially & the old double standards are alive and well when it comes to sex.

Our sexualities are nobody’s business but our own. We aren’t here for the gratification & judgement of others, we’re here to live our lives – to seek pleasure & avoid pain – just the same as everyone else.

It seems to be that this judgementality that seems reserved more often for women than men (although also for trans people of any gender) is designed to control what is seen as troublesome behaviour. Anything that doesn’t conform with the rigid heteronormative, monogamous ideas that are wrapped up in supposed ‘decency’, ‘morality’ and the ‘proper’ ways to behave – all of these are arbitrary & imposed.

This, I feels, strips us of our humanity – the ability to think, choose and do what we like. For, as long as our behaviour doesn’t make anyone else suffer, why should it be wrong for us if it feels right for us?

Why should we be judged on who we choose to sleep with, or how many we sleep with, or have slept with, or what we do with our consenting humans? Isn’t this the essence of our humanity? Is it not inhumane to subject others to your ideas of what is ‘right’, when we all know that those ideas were just put there in your heads, probably just to appease others’ insecurities and make them feel good about themselves in a completely oppressive-to-others kind of way?

What makes us human is our ability to think for ourselves & to make our own decisions. I don’t have anything nice to say about those small-minded enough to impose their wills on others. Conforming just for the sake of it & ridiculing/discouraging others who choose not to, is a kind of dictatorship – trying to control others because of your own mental limitations & fears/insecurities. It’s also really boring.

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Under My Skin

So, it’s taken less than a day & a couple of brief messages & Organist #1 is under my skin again.

I dislike this very much, as my mind is wandering & it makes me feel vulnerable as am potentially opening myself up to hurt again & I don’t want to feel like am not in total control of what might happen.

Am also a little annoyed with myself for doing this to myself. I think it’s because I care & I don’t want to, meh. He’s surprised that I’m still talking to him & so am I, a little. Will he take this to mean I’m a pushover/doormat? I’ll kick his backside to high heaven if he does.

I can’t deny I felt very connected to him, and intimate, and excited and the idea of requiting was is unrequited is so (destructively?) appealing. And he’s the tortured artist type – am such a sucker for the tortured, starving artist.

The Boy is quiet

I’ve been getting quite fond of The Boy. We see each other about once a week now. Mostly we go do something fun & social, get very drunk, then back to mine for sex & mooching.

It’s fun discovering each others’ bodies and sex is good too, but he’s so quiet. I’m not so very vocal or noisy, but I feel like I am being, because he’s so quiet next to me. He’s definitely having a good time, but I’m finding myself wishing he’d say more. It’s strange as he’s quite a talkative and articulate Boy & we are both very good at sex with each other.

It feels very decadent, having him as my lover. I think that’s what he feels too. So, my master-plan seems to be getting off to a good start. Seems like not very long ago, I was wondering what would become of my love-life & it’s pleasing to know that the little voice in my head was right. There are other, better ways of doing things, and experiments in living, are the way to find out.

On familiarity breeding contempt

So, today’s cliche is ‘Familiarity breeds contempt’. There’s probably some truth to this, but it’s besides the point, I think.

For me, it’s not so much familiarity that breeds contempt, but over-familiarity. I don’t know if this is something that women are subject to, more than men, but it’s something I find VERY IRRITATING.

If I don’t know you, don’t call me babe/darling/sexy/beautiful/whatever, just don’t call me anything, you don’t know me & I’m not here for your gratification & to be reduced to some silly overfamiliar word, stop it.

Sometimes it happens so often, it feels like it borders on harrassment. I don’t see guys referring to each other in such cushty terms, so why is it so ok, for women to be spoken to like that & reduced to words like that.

And while I’m here, I wish the word women, rather than girls were used when talking about us grown up women. I’m sure it does something to the architecture of the mind in those that do it, and contributes to this constant infantilising & objectification that many of us are subject to. So, stop that now!

It’s not you, it’s me. Another cliché today.

I think I might have to have the “It’s not you, it’s me” conversation with the person I started sleeping with very recently. I think it would be cruel to do anything else.

On the whole, in the past, when I’ve had this conversation, I’ve just been polite. Mostly, it hasn’t been me, but them.

This time it’s different. It really isn’t him, it really is me. I have no fault with him. He’s lots of lovely things, I’m just not really into him, for reasons I can’t quite fathom. This makes it more difficult.

I hope he doesn’t feel hurt. I feel very sorry/guilty, even though I’m not sure I should. I feel cruel, but I know I’m not.

Sigh.

Careful what you wish for.

Today’s cliche is “Careful what you wish for”.

I feel mixed about this one. A couple of friends have said this to me since I told them of my ideas about poly relationships.

Is it about stopping people having dreams and plans outside of the norm? Is it fear of doing ‘other’? Or, just good advice?

Not sure. There’s something a little defensive about it, I think.

Words/phrases that irritate me

Robust (Don’t know why, I just hate it)

Difficult decisions (that’s usually politics-speak for ‘we’re going to fuck the poor’ (again))

“I hate to say it, but” (no, you don’t)

“touch base” (shut up)

“I’m not a (insert whatever here), but” (yes, you are)

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate” (no, you’re being a twat)

“Shall I tell you what I think?” (no)

“But what about…” (that’s not an argument, I’m talking about something else, stop trying to change the subject)

Why is sex such a taboo subject in real life?

I don’t understand!

I can talk to my friends as we are very close about sex, but am curious as to why something so important to us as humans and intrinsic in our natures is considered almost profane.