Last night I went to meet an old family friend at the local station. Arrived back home to find burglars smashing into the back of my house. It sounded like a bomb made of glass went off, an explosive smashing (they were strengthened glass, so they had put quite a bit of effort into it).
Had the police, the forensics people and a friend over, but can’t shake this feeling of violation & anxiety. Even though they didn’t get anything. Can’t stop thinking ‘what if’. A minute later & we’d have been trapped inside with the burglars. What about if I’d have been alone & it happened? My home is my sanctuary & it’s been violated. Where do I feel safe now? Is living on my own such a good idea?
The Boy came & stayed with me. Told me that I don’t have to act all tough all the time. Kept him awake with ‘what was that?’, ‘did you hear that?’, ‘where’s the hammer?’ as well as tossing & turning. He said he should come back tonight, I think so too. The Boy really is very lovely. I’m terrible at asking for help, but he’s really been quite wonderful.
I don’t want bars on all of my windows (they got through double glazed, locked, reinforced windows). I don’t want to capitulate to whoever did this & live in what will feel like a prison. My home doesn’t feel like my home right now, I don’t know what it feels like. Am so sad inside