Not seeing the woods for the trees

Today’s cliche of the day is ‘you can’t see the wood for the trees’. Which is one I agree with and see the wisdom in.

It’s good occasionally to take a step back and take stock of your life. Especially if there’s a lot going on. I’ve had a lot going on. The divorce, which I thought was going well, suddenly isn’t, and it seems that communication has broken down. I think the next few months will be very messy as we fight over the house, money and so on.

It kind of took me by surprise as I thought we’d agree to try & make it amicable, but I guess that money brings out the worst in some people. Am happy to say it’s quite nice up here on my moral high-ground when it comes to that. I decided long ago, that self-respect was paramount, it’s nice to be able to maintain that & it’s kind of showing him to be more of an arsehole than I’d realised.

All of the coming and going has got me down though, I’ve been feeling blue and under a lot of pressure. It made my perspective quite skewed and I’d lost my appetite for life, a little. But, it’s the little things in life which make you happy. Dealing with The Ex for the first time in so long, really dragged me down. I think it brought back some of the misery that I felt when I was still with him & trying to make it work. This morning I woke, feeling pure relief that I’ll have a clean break soon. Life’s not too bad, I was feeling sorry for myself when I woke up, I pulled the muscles in my backside & it hurts when I walk, sit or move – getting out of bed made me miserable. It was in the shower that I figured out that I must have pulled it during all the sex I had with The Boy yesterday. Then I smiled. Felt satisfied. Saw the woods again, in spite of the trees.

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On familiarity breeding contempt

So, today’s cliche is ‘Familiarity breeds contempt’. There’s probably some truth to this, but it’s besides the point, I think.

For me, it’s not so much familiarity that breeds contempt, but over-familiarity. I don’t know if this is something that women are subject to, more than men, but it’s something I find VERY IRRITATING.

If I don’t know you, don’t call me babe/darling/sexy/beautiful/whatever, just don’t call me anything, you don’t know me & I’m not here for your gratification & to be reduced to some silly overfamiliar word, stop it.

Sometimes it happens so often, it feels like it borders on harrassment. I don’t see guys referring to each other in such cushty terms, so why is it so ok, for women to be spoken to like that & reduced to words like that.

And while I’m here, I wish the word women, rather than girls were used when talking about us grown up women. I’m sure it does something to the architecture of the mind in those that do it, and contributes to this constant infantilising & objectification that many of us are subject to. So, stop that now!

Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile…

Today’s cliche of the day is brought to you courtesy of a soon-to-be former friend of mine who took the piss out of my hospitality when they asked to stay for a few days.

I’m not usually a stickler for etiquette, but in this case, this person really pushed the boundaries of my acceptance. I will spare you all of the boring details, but one tiny thing still really grates (it’s the little things that matter, sometimes).

If you’re going to stay with someone, don’t finish their coffee & milk in the middle of the night so the person who you are staying with CAN’T HAVE THEIR FUCKING MORNING COFFEE!

Meh.

Today’s cliche… Feel The Fear And Do It, Anyway

I like this one.

My friends think am quite a brave/bolshy character. I’m thought of as strong-willed and strong-minded. What they don’t know is that, whilst I might be, I’m crapping myself half the time.

Fear is a wonderful and terrible thing. It’s totally okay to be fearful, to acknowledge it, but the best way to deal with it sometimes is just to press on in spite of it.

So, tonight am going to go to a poly/kink club event thing that I heard about from someone I went on a date with. Now, this whole world is a terrifying and unknown place for me. My life so far (especially with regards to sex & sexuality) has on the whole, tasted mainly of vanilla.

I can be fairly cautious with the unknown, but now that I know what I’m curious in, it’s probably time to jump in at the deep end, instead of just sitting on the fence (mixing my metaphors a little, but you know what I mean).

So, this evening, I will be putting one wobbly foot in front of the other, feeling the fear and doing it, anyway. (Or observing & learning, in any case).

Brave New Worlds

(also, what the hell do I wear?)

Stupid man from yesterday

Yesterday was helping a friend with the Womens’ Society stall at our Freshers’ Week.

So many lovely people, so much to talk about, I learnt a lot from all the weird and wonderful people that came over to chat. But there’s always one… And they always find me (a little like mosquitos & just as irritating).

“Oh, so you’re the man-hating society, are you?” he barked at me.

“No hello first? I hate to break it to you, but the womens’ society is not about men. I don’t hate men, I just hate idiots” I said to him (luckily have had to deal with this same tired old “argument”, so the sentence slipped off the tongue with a satisfying smoothness).

“You’re just a reverse chauvinist”

“There’s no such thing as reverse chauvinism, chauvinism is chauvinism. What’s your point, would you like to join?” (I have my moments of smart-arsery)

He just stormed off, muttering.

There’s always one.

Careful what you wish for.

Today’s cliche is “Careful what you wish for”.

I feel mixed about this one. A couple of friends have said this to me since I told them of my ideas about poly relationships.

Is it about stopping people having dreams and plans outside of the norm? Is it fear of doing ‘other’? Or, just good advice?

Not sure. There’s something a little defensive about it, I think.

On the grass being greener on the other side.

Today’s cliche is “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”.

I don’t like this one, although there may be some sense in it. I think it’s a way for people to subtly quieten your dreams and stop you complaining when things are not right.

“Oh, things always seem better, but they aren’t, really, it’s just you” is what this particular cliche reads between the lines.

BUT, the grass often IS greener on the other side. And isn’t it up to us to decide what we want and what is right for us?