So, it’s taken less than a day & a couple of brief messages & Organist #1 is under my skin again.
I dislike this very much, as my mind is wandering & it makes me feel vulnerable as am potentially opening myself up to hurt again & I don’t want to feel like am not in total control of what might happen.
Am also a little annoyed with myself for doing this to myself. I think it’s because I care & I don’t want to, meh. He’s surprised that I’m still talking to him & so am I, a little. Will he take this to mean I’m a pushover/doormat? I’ll kick his backside to high heaven if he does.
I can’t deny I felt very connected to him, and intimate, and excited and the idea of requiting was is unrequited is so (destructively?) appealing. And he’s the tortured artist type – am such a sucker for the tortured, starving artist.