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The more I think about it, the less convincing monogamy is

Having been a serial monogamist for most of my adult life, am not sure it’s either a realistic or logical way to carry on for me.

It doesn’t make sense anymore. I know we’re conditioned to think of it as the natural & right way, but it feels unnatural and wrong to think that it’s honestly what I want, or realistic. Am not thinking about cheating here, but about honesty in the way that I feel about relationships.

I never once cheated or even came close to it when I was married – rather than starting to desire other people when the marriage was dying a slow and painful death, my desire(s) seemed to die along with it. He was very shocked when I spoke to him about how I felt – that I was totally cool if he wanted to sleep with other people or to see other people (& I was totally cool with it). I told him I had no desire to, but that seeing as things between us felt dead, I totally understood.

He didn’t understand. At all.

Now that I am free of all that, even though I’m single, and not really attached to anyone (well, in a single state of sort-of limbo with a distant person in a complicated situation, but don’t think that counts). I don’t see why being in an honest relationship with someone where we consent to relationships with other people, whether they be sexual, emotional or whatever is a bad thing. Honesty and consent being the keywords, with respect thrown in for good measure.

Monogamy works for some people, but the idea of a permanent commitment to someone being enough to fulfill all of the needs that we develop in life doesn’t seem so realistic.

This has been brewing in my mind for a few years now. A little like when I realised that I wasn’t really straight and not really what society thinks of as a woman. It takes my Self and my life awhile to catch up on my mind now, though. I think this is the direction I will be heading, when I stop being single.

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